Separated But Living Together: Must-Follow Rules And Boundaries

Image: Shutterstock

Legal separation is an arrangement where a married couple lives apart but remains legally married. However, there can be several reasons such as financial instability, support for children, and property dispute why people may be separated but living together under the same roof.

In such situations, you need to avoid unnecessary arguments and set some rules and boundaries right from the beginning. Below are some rules to put in place once you begin your legal separation.

Can You Live Together After Legal Separation?

Living together after separation is not a new arrangement. But remember that legal separation is not the same as a divorce. You are no longer married toyour spousein a legal separation, but you are also not divorced, so you cannot get married to another person. Once the court grants legal separation, it will give clear orders regarding property division, child custody, and alimony—similar to a divorce settlement.

With a divorce, spouses lose several benefits such as health insurance and access to assets. On the other hand, legal separation helps you retain some of those benefits, which is why many couples have lived years under this setting.

Why Do Couples Opt For Living Together After Separation?

Every couple has their reasons to continue having a shared space afterlegal separation. Here are some of the most common ones.

1. Children

Many separated couples continue to live together for the sake of their children. Parent’s divorce can haveadverse effects on childrenas the experience of having a parent leave them can be traumatizing. Therefore, couples prefer co-parenting while living in the same house to protect them.

2. Health insurance

Some spouses could be well placed at work, reaping the benefits of health insurance coverage that extends to their family. In corroborative terms, it serves the purpose for those who take legal responsibility for thechildren.Being together allows the parents to gain the benefits of a strong and secure health insurance policy.

3. Expensive divorce

Divorce can be an expensive affair, costs can be as high as several thousand dollars. In cases where finance is an issue, couples may be bound to live togetherafter separationas it seems feasible and takes off the burden of managing finances on their own. It can also be a temporary arrangement until the couple manages to source the money required for a divorce.

4. Difference in income

Some couples’ earnings can vary vastly, with one spouse earning a lot more than the other.Such an income disparity can affect their lifestyle and even that of their children.Cohabitating in such cases allows them to continue with the lifestyle while splitting certain expenses and responsibilities of household chores.

Rules For Living Together After Legal Separation

As simple and convenient as it may sound, it is not easy to get along living together with your ex-spouse. Here are some rules to follow to ensure a smooth cohabitation.

1. Make guidelines

当你决定住在一起,第一件事you should do is chalk out clear guidelines that you andyour spousewill have to follow. You will have to compromise so coexisting in the same house can work. List the division of responsibilities and chores. Come to an agreement on not only the distribution of chores but also the expectation of completion for each.

2. Date discreetly

You are now eligible to re-enter the dating scene. However, do not forget that you still live with your ex-spouse. Discretion is not only respectful but will help to avoid conflict. While mingling with prospective dates is okay, it’s best to be open and honest without flaunting new relationships.

3. Create a budget

Consider creating a budget by combining a specific amount to manage household expenses. If there is a significant income difference, discussing and agreeing on a finanical arrangement before consolidating the budget is best to avoid conflicts. Also, make sure the plan is fair for both parties involved.

4. Prepare a co-parenting schedule

If you have children, you will have to make aco-parenting scheduleby allocating responsibilities to take care of your children.As per your work schedule, you can talk to your partner and decide a weekly schedule of who drops and picks upyour child. You can also talk about homework assistance and after-school activities.

5. Avoid sleeping together

你曾经爱你的配偶,所以铁是很自然的el attached to them when living under one roof. However, under the new circumstances, do not sleep with each other. It might cause inextricable complications that can make eventual separation difficult.

6. Decide upon a ‘no fight’ clause

Certain issues may have led to the separation, and those can still be touchy topics. When you decide to live together, mutually talk about those issues that you will not mention before each other to avoid arguments and fights. In addition, try presenting a unified front and work as an integrated family unit to provide children with a harmonious and positive home environment until you prepare them for eventual separation.

Dos And Don’ts To Follow When Living Together After Separation

In addition to the above rules, here are some dos and don’ts to follow while living with your former partner.

• Make clear decisions and stay firm on them.

• Have a set date for when the arrangement shall end.

• Stick to your designated spaces at home. Do not try to clean or manage your spouse’s space.

• If possible, maintain separate entries to your personal space in the house.

• Avoid doing extra work that is not designated to you. Do not try to be your old self and help around when it is not your duty.

• Do not fight or argue in front of children. It defeats the whole purpose of living together after separation.

• Maintain separate bank accounts except for one where you save money for children and other collective household expenses.

• Do not go for outings or vacations together. Stop attending family functions and events together.

• Do not socialize like a couple in public. Even if you have a child, slowly prepare them for your eventual separation and avoid behaving like a family.

• Do not celebrate birthdays or anniversaries together. Do not give a gift to each other for any occasion.

• Inform your respective family and close friends about the separation and that you have decided to live together beforedivorce.