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When it comes to infertility, we all assume that anyone who experiences such issues has to be childless. But, there are times when this problem may come knocking a couple’s door even though they have had a child earlier. In such a scenario, they might face difficulties getting pregnant with their second child. Or, at times, even while trying for the third child. As per the medical terms, this phenomenon is known as secondary infertility (1).
If a couple has conceived once, they may feel that becoming pregnant the second time around would be much easier. But, unfortunately, that does not always happen. And, these unexpected difficulties can come as a complete blow to the couple’s dream of having a family they had envisioned together. This can result in a feeling of helplessness and sadness, among other emotional problems. Here, we bring you some of these issues that a couple may face if suffering from secondary infertility:
1. You May Feel Too Guilty
It is quite natural to get that feeling of guilt for being sad about not being able to conceive for the second time. After all, everyone expects you to be satisfied and content if you have already been blessed with a child. The unnecessary comparison with primary fertility and how it is much worse can make you feel guilty.
But, the series of tests that you need to undergo to determine whether or not you can conceive is the same for both primary and secondary infertility. So, not being able to conceive a baby for the second time puts you in quite a unique position. While you will be experiencing the same emotions as an infertile couple with no child, you will feel guilty for grieving the way they do. But, it is important to know that the sadness you feel is pretty natural. Don’t let what people say affect your state of mind even further.
2. Accepting That The Problem Exists
It is tough to learn how to accept this situation that did not exist before. Several questions may cross your mind – How did it not seem so tough earlier? If you did not experience this issue earlier, why is it happening now? Did you not treat your body right? All these things will constantly run through your mind and you may find it difficult to accept the situation you are in right now. You may feel like denying that the problem exists altogether.
But, there can be quite a few reasons for secondary infertility and most of them will be the same as those of primary infertility. For women, the infertility issues may be due to damage to the fallopian tubes, some hormonal issue, or an abnormality in the uterus (2). For men, it might be because of the production as well as the quality of sperm (3).
So, it is important that you evaluate all the same parameters as primary infertility once. And, to address these issues, be it physical or emotional, consult your doctor for sure.
3. You Are Not Alone
As per a recent report, over three million women in the US have been estimated to face a difficulty trying to conceive for the second time. Or, have faced an issue in carrying the second child full-term (4).
There are chances that you may be asked time and again by your extended relatives about whether or not you plan to expand your family. Especially, if you have had your first child. But, it is alright if you want to stay private and only reveal it to a few close ones. Don’t take any unnecessary stress. And, if you find someone who may be facing the same issue, talk to them as it will help you make peace with it.
But, something that we will surely want you to keep in mind is to not be ashamed about what you are feeling. So, don’t apologize for your emotions and deal with it in the way you think best. Remember ladies, you are a warrior and there is nothing that you can’t face!
