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We all know about the challenges of motherhood. The stress of pregnancy, childbirth and being your baby’s only source of nutrition for the first crucial months can be daunting and overwhelming. But, what about the stress of fatherhood? The challenges of fatherhood are not always connected with the rising stress of caring for a newborn or lack of sleep. However, a new and intriguing study found out that fathers can experience mixed feelings during the breastfeeding period (1). While, of course, they feel joy and excitement over becoming a parent sometimes they can also feel lonely, depressed and incomplete. Dads often sit on the sidelines during the first months which is a missed opportunity for them to bond with their baby. Not only is it unfair for them to be kept out of the experience but they could also be a great help to exhausted moms. So, here’s why and how you can include dad into the breastfeeding process in order to facilitate a better bond between your partner and your baby.
The Breastfeeding Period Might Block The Father From Bonding With The Baby
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Although breastfeeding is a special mother and baby activity that deepens the connection between them, some fathers can feel left out. Now we know this can sound childish but think about it. All your baby does in those first months is eat and sleep. This means that they spend most of their waking hours nursing before they drift off to la la land again. So you can imagine why dads would feel like they are missing out on a huge chunk of time with their babies. Besides, you can’t deny the snuggles and cuddles you get with your little one while you breastfeed and are envious. So you can see why being kept out of this process can influence the creation of a bond with their child, and also their spousal relationship. This creates a lot of stress for fathers, which can make them feel jealous or depressed. Keep in mind that they may not want to feel this way and that this is something you can move past by including him in the process of breastfeeding.
This Can Result In Dads Being Dissatisfied With Themselves
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Feeling excluded can also affect the way some fathers view themselves. Feeling like they are not contributing to the needs or care of their baby can make them feel inadequate resulting in lower self-esteem and self-efficiency. They may feel like they are not competent enough and will be dissatisfied with their role as fathers. These negative emotions can even lead to arguments with their partners or even result in them being aloof and detached from the family.
Acting Together Will Unit The Family
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Men understand that mothers play the main role in breastfeeding and respect their decisions. However, some men reported that they enjoyed participating in the process like discussing the details and benefits with their significant others. This doesn’t mean they necessarily want a say in what you are doing, only that they want to be kept informed about the process and the effect it will have on their partner and their baby. This in itself was seen as “negotiating a space for themselves within the decision-making process”. All this goes to show that fathers highly value acting as a team, and are only trying to do right by their family.
Many men also believe that their main role in the breastfeeding process is that of a supporter and facilitator of the process. This would actually make things much easier for mom. They take it upon themselves to take care of their partner, provide food, help with chores, look after older children, and even take care of the infant. The emotional support and encouragement that they provide contributes to the functioning of the team.
They Would Gladly Take Over Breastfeeding Duties
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爸爸最棒的地方是,他们将gladly step in when moms are too tired to breastfeed. This can be a great way for mothers to catch up on some well needed rest and get a couple of extra hours at night to sleep and allow their body to heal. Even if you want to exclusively breastfeed, you can pump during the day and store the milk well so that your baby has enough for their late night feeds. Then you can ask dad to take over during the night or in the evening after they come back from work. This also gives dads the opportunity to spend time with their baby and bond with them. They get to snuggle with them and learn more about their personality. All of this will deepen their relationship with the tiny infant.
There’s absolutely nothing wrong with asking your partner to help you. In fact, this may be the invitation they have been waiting for. Including dads in the breastfeeding process is beneficial for everyone involved, so why not give it a try? Happy parenting!
