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As parents, we want the best for our kids. From a young age, we teach kids and mold them into the person we want them to be. But in doing so, we inadvertently use certain phrases that are clearly based on outdated concepts and are inherently toxic. These phrases sometimes come naturally to us because that’s what we have been hearing from time immemorial. Parents don’t realize how damaging certain words or phrases could be. In this post, we bring you 6 such phrases that we have to stop saying to our sons.
1. Boys Will Be Boys
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This is one phrase that people use to dismiss any sort of bad behavior by boys and is the perfect excuse to not hold them accountable for their actions. But by using this phrase, we are essentially stealing them from a chance of being a better human being. Whether a boy is being aggressive, disrespectful, or destructive, using the phrase “boys will be boys” just tells them that it’s completely acceptable behavior on their part. This phrase sends across the message that boys and men are incapable of communicating their emotions in a better way that doesn’t involve violence or abuse.
2. Shake It Off
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When a boy falls and bruises his knee, we say, “Well, shake it off. You’re fine.” Truth is, kids fall and get hurt the same way irrespective of gender. There’s nothing wrong with showing a bit of support, love, and concern at this point. Why are we obsessed with raising tough boys?
3. Boys Don’t Cry
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Crying is a healthy way to let go of all the pent up emotions. It helps us work through our feelings and feel a lot better. Shushing their cries will only teach them that these emotions are reserved for girls and they are not acceptable when boys do it. They will refrain from showing any signs of vulnerability thinking that they will be considered weak. This is probably why we have so many men who can easily express feelings of anger but struggle with showing any soft emotions.
4. You Play Like A Girl
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We clearly don’t have to explain why this phrase is toxic. Whenever a boy throws a weak ball, we are quick to tell him that he throws like a girl, which is meant to be an insult. It sends the message that girls are inferior to them and not as good as boys. Boys from a young age will start feeling superior to women and as a result, view the women in their houses and schools as below them. It’s high time that we stop using these phrases and treat girls and boys equally.
5. You’re Too Sensitive
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Boys are often told they are too sensitive every time they express any feelings other than anger. Constantly calling them out for expressing their emotions will cause them to completely shut off and feel ashamed of their feelings and emotions. If a boy is feeling hurt or sad, it’s important to discuss and understand why he is feeling this way rather than invalidating his emotions by telling him to “man up”.
6. Those Are For Girls
Since they are born, we teach them that pink is for girls and blue is for boys. From gender-reveal parties to baby clothes and blankets, we tell them what color they should like and what toys they should play with. We buy video games for boys and barbies for girls. And if a boy chooses to play with a barbie, we freak out like Ross did when Ben picked out a barbie as his toy. It’s somehow ingrained in our brains that boys are supposed to play with G.I. Joe and not barbies or dolls. This restricts boys from exploring their true identity and natural instincts. And instead, they confine themselves to our ideas of what’s socially acceptable.
It’s time we let go of these binary views of gender from our minds and stop using these phrases with boys. Are there any more phrases that you think could be toxic and damaging? Comment below and let us know.
